I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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