I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
