A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
