I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
