whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
