remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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