the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
