So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We were destined to go to rehab together
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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