The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
