She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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