You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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