is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
then he tried to convert me to islam
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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