i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
