How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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