I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
