She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
