I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
