I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
