so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
