Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
