I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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