I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
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