i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
