Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
