I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
