drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
