lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
we're so committed to being not committed
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
