i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
