the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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