Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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