Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
