Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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