Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
