So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
