Just cropdusted the office
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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