i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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