there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
