I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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