That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
