I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
