My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
