Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
