I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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