We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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