im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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