I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
