yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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