Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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