just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So gin and wine won't be happening again
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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