she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
