I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
