If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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