I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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