i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just forgot I was standing up.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
