do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
